A journey of law, leadership, loss and life coaching

Early life experiences shaping resilience and perspective

I was born in London and was 4 years old when I went into care and spent my early years in Northen Ireland.  I was 10 years old when I left Northern Ireland joining my parents in West Africa which, at that age, was an interesting learning experience. We had to get to know each other in a different cultural environment from which I was familiar. Mum and Dad were very academic. They believed in me and I found myself winning award after award, finally going in university to study law at the age of sixteen.

A legal career, transitions and evolving purpose

In university I won scholarships, went to law school, finishing with excellent grades. Working as a barrister and solicitor with leading human and civil rights lawyer and philanthropist Gani Oyesola Fawehinmi SAN buoyed my love for social justice and humanity. Returning to London proved rocky. With my legal qualifications not recognised I found myself starting my career all over again. Never one to miss an opportunity, I started working in hospitality, in retail and served as a junior civil servant, I came to understand the importance of customer services, relatability and consistency, while working in jobs that were often not recognised as important. 

Working during the day was followed by rigorous studying at night. After several years I gained strong organisation and secretarial skills, finishing with a distinction with the now Chartered Governance Institute (CGI). Becoming a prize winner and teaching part time with the now SouthBank University were highlights at the time. 

My next move was to move into the Charity Sector. This ran in parallel to becoming a Non-Executive Director and a Commissioner for Equal Opportunities. After thirteen years on this route, my odyssey was as an entrepreneur. I was headhunted by a City law firm to design and implement an innovative Governance Development Programme. This evolved into my passion for relationships, leadership development, mediation and coaching. 

The cream on the cake is as a podcaster - now hosting three podcasts. Following nominations for clients and peers I was crowned Champion for Governance in 2023 and was made a Fellow of the Association for coaching for services to the community. Through the ups and downs of life, I embraced the encouragement of Maya Angelou that hope and fear cannot occupy the same space. I am not underestimating the challenges of the last few years, but in the face of difficulty, I am consciously choosing hope. This is a day-to-day commitment.

Coaching through grief and creating safe spaces

I was ten years old when I left Northern Ireland to join my parents in West Africa, and 16 years after that I found myself back in London. As a child I learnt the importance of navigating a world I did not understand.   I was curious and asked many question, hardly which were ever answered. I found myself building bridges and developing a passion for peace making.  The tragic killing of my brother Tony in Dover in a hit and run incident crystallised my powerful celebration of the fragility of life. Tony was not the first brother to die prematurely. I had already lost two brothers (my eldest and youngest) through illness. Mum died five weeks after the loss of her youngest son. I am sure it was from a broken heart.

Being coached through grief was extremely useful. This personal experience led me down the path of befriending others and recognising the importance of building safe spaces for others who are going down the path of loss. I encountered the work of grief expert David Kessler which helps me to confidently guide others and heal my own heart.

Being at a receiving end of a coaching approach and now as a coach, I embrace the awesome impact of being equipped and steered in pathways to achieve my highest potential. Empathy and compassion are key to connect with what lights up my world and throws the spotlight on the passion of others. In the coaching circles which I host, we explore what resonates with participants in the group, what keeps them going especially when life is tough and what presents memorable moments to take them through their professional and personal lives.

Leadership, influence and community impact

Overlapping with my professional journey, I was invited to the House of Commons to recognise my contributions as a social entrepreneur. Two years later I was invited for a private meeting with the adviser to the then prime minister to talk about building and shaping communities and to share my personal experiences. In 2019 I was invited to the House of Lords to talk about governance and diversity as a route to encouraging volunteering. My passion for people and the vision I hold for bridging communities by spotting potential and developing communities of practice is strengthened each day by utilising a trauma informed coaching approach.

Motivation may depend on the right moment, but when you build habits that support your goals: daily routines, intentional actions, and rituals - your success isn’t left up to chance. I found that being disciplined is key to excelling. It is not always easy, especially when it is cold, wet and dark. The long winter months for me are usually hardest. Yet forming networking groups with fellow coaching online and offline brings a level of camaraderie that is invaluable. Starting my day with reflection and meditation and ending the day with a gratitude practice helps me to recognise the importance of giving thanks and appreciating every connection, one interaction at a time.

Circles of trust, resilience and continuous learning

For me, challenges in life point to the importance of being more relational. What has got me through the brutality of the adverse effects I have encountered is knowing that I am unconditionally loved, valuable and worthwhile. Critically when I can’t control a situation, I can choose how to respond. Embodied coaching is supporting me to take better care of my feelings and emotions. Being emotionally and socially aware presents a continuous journey of learning. I benefit from being in circles of trust. Leadership Circles can be amazingly supportive in building resilience in the people who engage and participate. Every day I appreciate that trust is a currency that can be under invested in, but which is the glue and architecture towards healthy dynamics in any team. Teams that work together well achieve much more.

It is an absolute honour to be part of the coaching community. Practices, models, frameworks and thinking around coaching keep evolving to meet the challenges of the present day and forge a way ahead for an increasingly uncertain future. It is a wonderful privilege to keep moving with these changes and living out the wonderful variety of what the breath of coaching brings into our lives. It would be remiss of me not to thank the wonderful coaches, mentors, teachers and facilitators I have had and continue to have in my life. I am paying this forward by being that compassionate coach to others. Thank you Coaching Academy for being my first port of call in my coaching journey. You are providing a very big tent for greatness and continued sustainability!

Thank you Tesse for sharing your meaningful and inspiring journey and for showing how coaching can support resilience and meaningful change.