Coaching tips for coping with carer and parent burnout

Career and parental and carer burnout are something we both know about only too well. There was a time when we believed asking for help in any area of our lives would be reflected as failure, so we tried to conquer our worlds of home and life alone. This unrealistic ideal of perfection (doing it all to prove we were competent at home and at work) resulted in mental and physical exhaustion, insomnia, anxiety and depression and relying too heavily on alcohol to relieve the stress and overwhelm.

We are not the only ones. A Deloitte study shows ‘that 77% of respondents say they have experienced employee burnout at their current job, with more than half citing more than one occurrence'. The survey also uncovered that employers may be missing the mark when it comes to developing well-being programs that their employees find valuable to address stress in the workplace. Even the most successful CEO in the world needs a lot of support, or they should advocate for it. We need to work together to look after our wellbeing in the home and at work.  

As parents and carers, we are particularly vulnerable to burnout owning to the 360° demands on our mental, physical, emotional and practical resources. ‘Parental Burnout’ is an emerging field of study but the evidence of this impact on family life is worrying according to the article published in the National Library of Medicine:

“Parental burnout refers to the emotional exhaustion of parents, emotional distancing from their children, and reduced feelings of parental accomplishment and efficacy. It has severe consequences for parents themselves, increasing escape and suicidal ideations, sleep problems, and addictions; as well as for their partner, increasing conflict and partner estrangement; and their children, increasing neglectful and violent behaviours toward the children.” 

During lockdown parents, especially mothers, found themselves juggling more and trying to educate their children at home whilst working which took its toll on the mental and emotional health of many.  This is exacerbated in families with extra needs, where parents often find themselves doing the heavy lifting of unpaid caring roles. 

The link between mental ill-health, burnout and addictive behaviours is clear. When someone is stressed and overwhelmed be it in the home or workplace their nervous system is dysregulated, they are often stuck in a hyper-arousal state with high cortisol and adrenaline levels.   This need to regulate may have at one time been soothed by scrolling on their phone, rewarding themselves with internet shopping or ‘emotional eating’. However, for many of us, we begin to build habits and emotional connections to this behaviour. This can become problematic when whatever the behaviour, it becomes ‘the go-to’ coping mechanism.  

Burnout can be characterised by feelings of helplessness, extreme fatigue, disillusionment and lack of focus. Below are a few tips when someone is suffering burnout in any area, or verging on it:

• Fall in love with the word ‘no’. You can say no, you do not have to do it all.
• Delegate as much as possible. In the workplace who can you share the load with? At home can the children help? Can you shuffle around the finances and outsource any jobs? 
• Boundaries are your friend. Identify what your non-negotiables are, articulate them to those they concern, articulate the consequence (make it something reasonable and possible). If this boundary is crossed and carry out that consequence.
• Boundaries can be flexible. It might seem paradoxical from the previous points but sometimes you can negotiate a real point of stress within the workplace or home is rigid boundaries that make no sense or have no context. So, ask yourself what is non-negotiable? What is flexible?
• Ask for help! There is no shame in struggle, whatever the situation we cannot do anything if we’re burned out, so who can you look to for support?  
• Sleep is VERY important. So ask yourself how can you get more?  Is it quality sleep? How is your sleep hygiene?
• Support energy and health. You can do this with nutritional foods, exercise and making time for your hobbies.
• Put your own oxygen mask on first! Self-care is resilience work if you have a pivotal role as a caregiver in the family, in your job or lots of responsibility in a business.  If you are not well looked after then no one will be, so put yourself in the driving seat of your own wellbeing. 

By advocating for self-care, boundaries, and seeking help, we can empower our clients to prioritise their well-being, underscoring the importance of resilience in navigating life's challenges.

Mandy Manners and Kate Baily are both expert Coaching Academy trainers, you may have met them on a Peer-to-Peer or Coaching Skills session on our Life Coaching Course. Plus, they're the co-founders of Love Sober, a community and podcast host. They run their own successful coaching businesses where they specialise in helping clients in the areas of addictive behaviours, habit change, holistic recovery, self-care and mental wellbeing. 

If you would like to find out more about coaching in the wellbeing-related niches, we run a number of Niche Coaching Workshops and CPD Programmes that might be of interest - take a look at our online coach training events page for upcoming dates.