Failing in your New Years Resolutions?

Ask yourself: did you really think them through?

Did you really decide how you were going to bring about the changes, whether they would fit in with your daily routine and how they would impact other areas in your life? So you know roughly what changes you want to make, what you want to do more of and what you want to do less of and you've chosen the New Year as a time to reflect and resolve to change. But the reflection can be woefully lacking and the resolution weak because you haven't sat down and looked at the bigger picture. It may be that when you examine what you want more closely, it isn't actually what you want at all. Sometimes we can yearn for something for so long we forget to question why we wanted it in the first place. Have you resolved to make your changes for you or are you bowing to pressure from some other source? Is your heart loving the thought of the changes that you're going to make and your mind committed to them? Or do you feel that you have to do this out of guilt or fear or because it's expected of you? Take time to examine and understand your motivation.

"Desire is the starting point of all achievement, not a hope, not a wish, but a keen pulsating desire which transcends everything." - Napoleon Hill

No matter how motivated you are or how close this project is to your heart, there will be hard work involved and sometimes you may feel like giving up. But remember this pearl of wisdom from entrepreneur and weightlifter James Clear "it doesn't matter what you're doing, if you only work when you feel motivated, then you'll never be consistent enough to make significant impact on your life". Embrace the hard work part; look forward to it, and when it gets hard, focus on the results you want. It's as much about the process of getting there as it is in achieving what you've resolved to do. Learn to love the process and the goal will naturally follow. If a footballer focuses on scoring before the ball is over the half way line, he'll probably miss the pass. His focus must be on what needs to be done at this moment to get him into the position to score the goal. But he never forgets that scoring goals wins the game. Focus on now; learn to be good at what you do on a daily basis. Before we can change, we need to examine how we arrived at where we are now. What are we doing right and what are we doing wrong? What habits do we need to evolve and what habits do we need to break? Understanding how you arrived at where you are is an important part of moving successfully to where you want to be.

"We must not cease from exploration and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we began and to know the place for the first time" - TS Eliot

If you want to do something new in your life there's quite a good chance something else may have to go. Are you willing to give that something up? Have you thought about fitting your new habits around your old? Be realistic about what you can achieve without it becoming a drag on your resources (which will only drag you back into old habits). How will what you want affect others? Changes that you make may have an impact on those around you and that can affect whether you fail or succeed. You need those around you to support you, not hold you back. Talking over your resolutions with your nearest and dearest before you set your resolutions in stone would be a good step on your road to success as well as having a healthy impact on your relationships. Be realistic in identifying any pitfalls. You are going to succeed, but having an awareness of what might go wrong will help you to build contingencies into your plans. Be ready to swerve around problems or surmount them rather than having a landslide destroy your progress. Resolutions are goals that we set ourselves. They need to be carefully examined, mapped out and broken down into realistic, achievable pieces for us to succeed. They can also be made at any time not just New Year.

When you've honestly assessed your situation in detail, you can make your resolutions and know that you can't help but keep them. And don't wait until next New Year. Do it now. If you've already made resolutions that are going well, review and examine your progress and see if you recognise any lack of preparation. Fix that now and you will continue to make progress: maybe at a faster rate. If you feel you've done all this and are still having problems achieving, think about seeking advice from a life coach. They will help you to examine the reality of your situation which will lead you into planning achievable results. Your life is a result of the changes you make. If you don’t like your life, it is time to start making better choices. Debra Stone is a motivational coach and speaker based in Portsmouth. Debra is passionate about mental health and promoting Positive Mental Attitude.

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